It has been a long time!!! I’ve been thinking about writing another blog post for a while now too much so and perhaps now I’ve overthought it all, I’m good at doing that, overthinking, but who knows?! So here goes…… I don’t know why I stopped writing. I just did. It’s something along with other hobbies that I’ve always enjoyed doing but having a recent brain injury, Covid 19, being on the shielding programme and lockdowns have made it an incredibly tough few years on all of us and I for one have found that my motivation has wavered, but as the second anniversary of my first subarachnoid brain haemorrhage and near fatal ruptured brain aneurysm passes (I’ve had brain stents fitted) and my second orbit around the earth birthday since my trauma began NOW is as good a time as any to at least TRY and get myself back into doing some normal life activities and some, if not all of the things that previously I had loved to do before. It’s not easy living with a brain injury. I’m not the same person now as I was two years ago. I do find though that even writing that last sentence in itself is a huge progress for me, but I have learnt a fair few things along the way in these passed two years.
Headaches are excruciatingly painful as well as debilitating, I have problems finding words and find myself having to put in more effort than most to be understood at times, I have ever changing moods and can be highly irritated which can be triggered with something relatively minor in an instant, something which before hand would never have bothered me at all now irks me to the point of anger and frustration, I cannot concentrate on more than one task at a time and my memory is atrocious, I forget things easily including appointments and meetings (I’m sorry) and I find I’m having to be constantly reminded of daily plans which as well as asking the same questions over and over again, which can be as equally frustrating to others (I’m really sorry) as it is to me! As well as having to cancel plans at the last minute due to poor health, I can’t stand crowded places or exceptionally loud noises anymore and don’t even get me started on fatigue! I’ve never ever been so tired or slept so much in my entire life!!!
Still I consider myself to be most fortunate, although life will never be the same for me and my family again I am one of those two in five people statistic that managed to survive a brain aneurysm for which I will be forever grateful to the fast actions of our amazing NHS Grampian and NHS Lothian hospitals and staff in Scotland. It’s not only a frightening statistic, but for me, it has evoked so many emotions and questions, some of which I do try but may never find the answers too. I have an amazing family which I am eternally grateful for and some wonderful friends who have continued to help and support me through some of the major trauma that is associated with a brain injury.
During recovery from my brain injury, being an active volunteer with several local charities in Aberdeen has helped me considerably by not only allowing me to gain new qualifications it has also enabled me to continue to learn new skills and meet new people as well as virtually meeting up with many good friends along the way when I could, whilst trying to recuperate. This included making my first short film with Station House Media Unit about part of my journey so far which can be viewed here:
I’m not sure what the future looks like for me anymore, so much has changed in life since my first bleed on the brain and for all of us since Covid 19 but if I was being totally honest with myself and you, do any of us really know what the future holds? and even then your life, like mine, can be changed forever in an instant! One thing I’ve learnt for sure, it’s definitely the little things in life to look out for, for one day you may well look back and realise they WERE the big things!!!
For now I’m away to eat some birthday cake and probably have another snooze all of this writing has fairly tired me out! Until next time (which may well be in another two years) stay safe and take care of you!!!
Natalie x
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